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13. A Test
– Do flies fly? Do bears bear? Do ducks duck?
– Yeah. Do fleas flee? Do ravens rave? Do cheetahs cheat? Do Russians rush? That’s childish!
Be serious!
– OK, do you have something better, Mister Oh-So-Serious?
– I do. I’ll give you a very simple test. A psychological test.
– OK.
– Are you ready?

15. Asking For Trouble
– You want coffee or tea?
– I’m fine, thank you.
– You’ve been sitting at the computer for two hours. I didn’t see you have breakfast
or take a shower for that matter.
– I’ve been chatting. I’ve found this new chat room and there’s this chap…
– It’s not healthy, you know. You sit there staring at the screen and talking to yourself.
You never even combed your hair. You look like a madman.

16. Harry Forever
– Look at this line, Jane! It’s half a mile long! What’s going on?
– Don’t you know? The one hundred fiftieth or so, book of Harry Potter
by the famous author Rowling is out today. All of her fans are standing in line to buy it.
– No way! And, what about that fat, bald chap in his… fifties? He’s dressed up like a clown:
night gown, idiotic hat and all. What’s he supposed to be?
– Your ignorance is appalling, my friend. He’s Harry Potter,
the young magician fighting the evil.

17. A House
– What a gorgeous sunset! Just look at that view! It’s breathtaking!
– Thank you. We like it too.
– Like it? That’s what I call a serious understatement! I’m absolutely loving it!
– Thank you. It’s always nice to hear.
– Have you bought the house?
– No, we could never have afforded it. Not these days. My parents left it to me.
– Lucky you. It’s such a beautiful place. And so peaceful.

18. Abracadabra 1
– Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry, you have the right haircut, the right scar, the right looks.
You even have a wand. But, you do not have…
– Sir?
– You still do not know how to say…
– What, sir?
– You cannot pronounce the word…
– Yes, I can, I can!

19. Abracadabra 2
– OK, now, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,
you, Harry, cannot properly pronounce the word “abracadabra”.
You want to try it once again, Harry?
– Yes, Professor Doubledoork!
– Do it then.
– Abracalabra… abracamacabra… abracashamabra… abra…
– Get out of my face, you, little twit! Out, out!

21. Avocados
– Anything else?
– Okay… let me see those avocados in the back. Are they ripe?
– Not really. They’re a bit hard. What do you want them for? A guacamole or a salad?
They’re just right for a salad…
Neither. I eat them straight with some salt and black pepper.
My roommate taught me that in college.
Just like that, uh?

22. Sandwich
– The roast beef sandwich, please.
– Half or full?
– Half, please.
– What kind of bread?
– What d’you have?
– Wheat, rye, ciabatta, French…
– French, I think. Yes, that one – it looks good.

29. The Magic Word
– My car died on me. Just ‘round the corner.
– Obviously, you need a new one. Yours is a piece of junk.
– It’s not a piece of junk. It’s a vintage classic.
It’s a Bentley sixty eight with all the original parts.
– All?
– Well, almost all. Sure she needs some repairing, but all in all, she’s in fine shape.
– Fine shape, right. Then my wheelchair-bound grandmother is in fine shape, too.

– Attention, class! Look at the common cockroach. Beautiful, isn’t it?
Most probably, it originated in the Silurian Period
about three hundred and fifty million years ago. I mean, not this little chap here, of course,
but his great-great-great-granddaddy. Cockroaches can be found everywhere in the world,
from the tropical rain forest to the arctic, and even, I believe,
in the heads of certain people in this classroom. Johnny, take that finger out of your nose!
There exists no less than four thousand roach species.
In a year, a single female can spawn over half a million little johnnies, ah, well, descendants.

31. Vanity of Vanities
Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.
One generation goes, and another generation comes; but the earth remains forever.
The sun also rises, and the sun goes down, and hurries to its place where it rises.
The wind goes toward the south, and turns around to the north.
It turns around continually as it goes, and the wind returns again to its courses.
All the rivers run into the sea, yet the sea is not full.
To the place where the rivers flow, there they flow again.

32. He Who Increases Knowledge
…All is vanity and a chasing after wind…
I said to myself,
"Behold, I have obtained for myself great wisdom above all who were before me in Jerusalem.
Yes, my heart has had great experience of wisdom and knowledge."
I applied my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly.
I perceived that this also was a chasing after wind.
For in much wisdom is much grief; and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow…

5. The Picture
– Ah yes. The picture.
– This is Mary-Ann. Always cute… This is Caroline. Always serious…
– A… soldier? This is…
– It’s me. Yes. Always… well… strong.
– You? Is it you? Really?
– Yes, it’s me. Young, uh? And that boy is my little brother Billy.
Always with a finger up his nose.

7. Horror
– Oh hi, Jane! Still angry at me? It was just a joke…
– Hi, Bob! You know that I hate your jokes!
– Sorry. You want to go for a movie?
– It depends. Which one?
– That new horror flick. I know that you like horror movies.
– Yes, I do. You mean the “Cut, Gut and Lots of Blood” starring Muma Crumann?
– That’s the one.

8. Just A Cold
– So, what do you think?
– Eeny meeny miny moe,
Catch the monster by the toe…
– Muma Crumann is just great! The girl’s the biggest star ever! The cameraman is brilliant!
Brilliant! I’m so impressed!
– Yeah… so am I. Tell me, who was that fat chap with the big axe?
– You don’t know? He’s her father, of course. You have to watch closely to understand.

9. Reading Updike
– Knock, knock!
– Who’s there?
– It’s the man you like to hate.
– All right, my hateful man, come in. What’s up?
– Not much. What are you doing? Reading? Are you all right?
– Yes, I am reading. It’s Updike…
– Updike? John Hoyer Updike? Son of Linda Grace (Hoyer) Updike